Mistakes… we’ve all made them and dealt with the pain of embarrassment, failure, and disappointment that comes from them. The reality is, most of us actively avoid making mistakes of any significance. Yet, in all my years of marriage and ministry, there is one mistake I’ve seen just about every guy make… including myself. While some mistakes don’t cost us much, this one is colossal because it comes at an incredibly high cost to ourselves and those around us. What is it?

The Colossal Marriage Mistake Most Guys Make

The colossal marriage mistake most guys make is putting their marriage on autopilot.

They do this by applying the age-old principle of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” to their marriages. I’m not sure where such “sage” wisdom originated. It certainly has a measure of truth to it for some circumstances, but when applied to any area of consequence it can be disastrous (think health, finances, marriage, parenting).

Now, I’ve only heard a few guys knowingly apply this principle to their marriages. Like the husband whose wife said “How come you never tell me you love me?” to which he replied, “Because I already did on our wedding day!” For the rest of us, this mistake is colossal because we make it unknowingly. As men, we’re wired to notice what needs to be fixed. If our marriage appears to be rolling along smoothly, it may not show up on our radar as something that needs “work”.

This lack of attention to our marriages while they are working well is exactly what leads them to a state of “broke”, and “suddenly” needing repair. The good news is, this is an easy mistake to correct.

While taking your marriage off of autopilot will require some work, it takes less effort than you think. Apply these tips consistently and watch your marriage transform.

10 Sure-Fire Ways To Make Your Marriage Last A Lifetime

1. Listen to Her: I can’t tell you how important this is. Wives love it when you listen to them… without interrupting. They don’t want you to solve their problems, yet. Just listen! This also means you need to learn to value her opinion. She was smart enough to marry you, so don’t dismiss her input. Sounds so simple, yet most guys blow it because listening takes TIME, which leads to my next tip…

2. Prioritize Her: Along with the first one, this is huge! For most guys, sex makes them feel loved and connected. But your wife feels most connected when you make time to just BE with her and listen to her. It radically connects her heart to you! Make time to be together, focused only on each other. Watching tv doesn’t count. Try having coffee together, going for a walk, or chatting in the car. It doesn’t have to be hours on end. 20 minutes at a time can work wonders. Make it happen and you’ll be her hero!

3. Talk With Her: Ok, now it’s your turn. Relationships are a two-way street, but gentlemen let ladies go first out of honor. Once you’ve made time, engage her in conversation. To engage requires your full attention to both listen and talk.

Not sure where to begin? Try this: Start by Asking your wife what she needs or wants from you!

Doing this every day will let her know you are thinking of her and are concerned with her needs. But remember to listen while she responds. Also, tell her about your day and what is going on in your life outside the home. She’s more interested than you think!

4. Compliment Her: Another sure-fire way to win your wife’s heart is to compliment her regularly. Pick something you love about her and express that to her. It could be her outfit, her eyes, her intelligence, humor, etc. Giving her compliments regularly helps her to feel confident that you are paying attention to her. It makes her feel loved and it will keep your heart in love with her!

5. Be Honest With Her: Always be honest with what you need in the marriage. When things are tough, find kind ways to express your concern. Don’t try to hide your frustrations or feelings. Bringing them into the light is the only way to address them and correct them before they eat away at your marriage’s foundation. It is manly to speak honestly, openly, and gently about how you feel with your wife.

6. Take Interest in Her Interests: This isn’t easy for guys because women aren’t typically interested in the same things men are. But making an effort to show interest and participate will strengthen your friendship, which will solidify your marriage. Let her talk about the things that interest her, you may even learn something.

7. Serve Her: Jesus came to serve, not to be served. As men, we must follow His example and serve our wives. Rather than always trying to get what you want or need, place her needs on equal ground as your own and serve her. Not only will this make you a better husband, but it will make you a better person. The world could use some more selfless people!

8. Extend Grace to Her: There are bound to be some rough patches in even the best marriages. I’ve only ever met one couple who said they never argued… and they ended in divorce. That’s not where you want to end up, so you need to learn the art of extending grace and overlooking offenses. Harboring grudges and unforgiveness destroys a marriage from the inside out and the one who suffers the most is yourself.

9. Say “I Love You” Often: Expressing love in little ways and as often as possible will change both yourself and your wife. Say “I Love You” by speaking it, giving her a good morning kiss upon waking, sending text messages, writing short letters, giving long hugs in the kitchen, and speaking unexpected compliments. Expressing love does the heart good so say it often, in as many ways as you can!

10. Look in the Mirror: Ok guys, this had to be on the list. Once you are married it’s easy to let yourself go. One of the most tangible ways you can show love is by keeping yourself healthy and maintaining a basic sense of dignity in your appearance.

Sure, she’s already yours… but the point is to keep her yours for a lifetime. Taking care of your appearance goes a long way towards that.

Ask her what she thinks of your appearance and be willing to change it up (within reason) if she asks. For example, I like a beard, but my wife doesn’t care for it. So, I don’t grow it very often, out of love for her. Now, before you think that’s asking too much, let me ask you; do you like it when she shaves her legs? Would you be ok if she decided to grow her leg hair out just because she likes it? Just something to consider.

Taking your marriage off autopilot and implementing these 10 tips is a sure-fire way to fix the colossal marriage mistake most guys make… and will help your marriage last a lifetime!

Take Action

Now it’s your turn. Is your marriage on autopilot? Which of these tips can you commit to starting today? Do you have anything you would add to the list? Let me know in the comments below!

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