Recently I was watching an interview with a popular Hollywood actress. During the interview, she was asked about her marriage to another popular actor. Her response spoke to me! She said she loved her husband and they generally have a happy, healthy marriage. What did they attribute their marital success to?
HARD WORK!
That’s not exactly the theme Hollywood marriage movies are made of!
She explained that her marriage requires hard work. More importantly, that they are committed to doing the hard work that produces a happy marriage.
This is the reality many people fail to embrace… all marriages require hard work!
There is no such thing as ONE perfect person for you… a soul mate who will forever be easy to be married with and make you happy.
While God has a specific person for you to marry, that does not minimize the work you need to put into your marriage if you want it to succeed.
How You Can Have A Happy, Healthy Marriage
Over the course of time, you will hurt one another, even if unintentionally. This means you must keep short accounts and forgive one another. If you desire to see healing in your marriage and prevent further damage, you must learn to become a better spouse. While both spouses have this responsibility, it is the husband who carries the greater responsibility and should lead in the healing process.
One of the ways a husband can facilitate healing in their marriage is to begin doing what I like to call “shepherding their wife’s soul”. The souls consist of her thoughts, emotions, and will. To shepherd her soul means you take an active role in her well being, allowing yourself to become an instrument God can use to encourage her growth.
If this sounds like a heavy responsibility, it is! But it is also a tremendous privilege! Plus, it will make you more like Jesus, and that’s a good thing!
The amazing truth is this: God can and will use you to bless and strengthen the very woman you love if you allow Him to!
4 Things Husbands Need To Shepherd Their Wife’s Soul
Willingness: As I mentioned above, this healing process in your marriage begins with your surrender to God. He wants to use you as an instrument in His hands for her growth and good. When you offer yourself to God, He will begin guiding you and teach you how to minister to your wife in a deep way.
Humility: When there have been hurts in a marriage, it is easy to wait for the other one to make the first move. Don’t make your wife make the first move, even if you feel the hurt is her fault. Jesus made the first move towards us when it was our fault. We should humble ourselves and follow His example. Doing so will bring tremendous blessing upon your marriage as you walk in the ways of Jesus.
First, you must repent of your wrongdoing. Then, you must learn to set aside your own rights and desires and begin considering her desires and needs above your own. I didn’t say this would be easy, but I can promise you it brings blessing! Like a mentor of mine once said, whenever there is a disagreement between two people, the more mature one should go first in initiating healing. Chose to be the more mature one!
Understanding: Scripture exhorts husbands to dwell with there wives in understanding 1. This seems impossible because so often you won’t understand her. But if you seek the Lord in prayer and ask Him to give you understanding about your wife, He will. As a Husband, you need God to show you your wife’s soul and teach you to handle it gently.
Ask Him to give you understanding about her current pains and how you can bring healing to her heart. Because you’re likely the cause of her pain, you can also be a powerful instrument for healing. This happens as you allow God to transform your life and begin the healing process through you.
Patience: Healing takes time, especially when you’re being transformed through the process as well. Do not expect overnight results. Doing so will cause you to give up too soon. Be patient, you committed to a lifetime of marriage. Look at the bigger picture and remind yourself that love is patient and kind and hopeful. Set aside the time necessary to work on and heal your marriage. “Do not grow weary in doing good, for in due season, you will reap if you do not give up!” 2
It’s Time To Take Action
Even the best marriages are not easy! They require work to get that way and to stay that way. As you go through the various seasons of life and marriage you will face new challenges. But if you do these things, you will navigate these seasons successfully. As a result, you will find yourself in an increasingly satisfying marriage relationship.
Take Action
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Footnotes:
- “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”- 1 Peter 3:7 ESV ↩
- “ And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”- Galatians 6:9 ESV ↩
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